Joelle K. Jay

personal leadership

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Why We Need To Talk Work/Life Balance

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Recently when I was giving a keynote talk to a Silicon Valley tech company, I asked the question, “How many of you want a better work/life balance?” Every hand in the room shot up.

I then asked, “How many of you believe you have work/life balance?” Every hand in the room dropped down.

Test it. What if I ask you?

Do you want better work/life balance?

Do you believe you have it?

If you are one of the lucky ones who are living their lives with a sense of serenity and ease, be sure to pass on your secrets! And if you’re not, know that you can get there. Either way, often the first step on the path to achieving that elusive work/life balance is to talk about it.

Talk to Your Friends and Co-Workers

            When I encourage you to pass on your work/life balance secrets, I actually do mean it – and if you’re seeking those secrets, ask around for ideas.

It may sound too simple, but I can tell you from experience that it works. The breakthroughs you so desperately want may be only a conversation away. All you have to do is take the initiative.

In that Silicon Valley room, seeing how the participants felt about work/life balance, I gave them some time to talk about it. In small groups they simply shared their best ideas – the ways they, individually, had saved themselves time and found better balance. In the span of just a few minutes, ideas were shared, collected, and adapted around the room. You could practically see the light bulbs going off as participants racked up ideas to save themselves hours and hours of time.

One participant learned how to better set expectations. Her co-worker at the table told her how she starts every meeting by telling everyone exactly how much time she had, and she sticks to it – saving herself at least an hour of meeting overflow time per day in the process. What would you do with an extra hour a day? Could setting expectations in some area of your life help you, too?

Another participant discovered she could save two hours a day by shifting her work hours to avoid traffic. Bay Area commutes are notoriously long, and for a driver whose commute could last 90 minutes each way, a simple change in those work hours could save her, her company and her family (day care!) time and money. Would your company prefer to have you wasting time in traffic, or contributing meaningfully to work on a slightly different schedule? Would your family be happier to have you home more? Would you? If your company is open to flexible work hours, this is something worth bringing up to management.

Perhaps neither of these suggestions fit for you. If you’ve read this far and aren’t getting any new ideas about setting expectations or shifting your work hours, you’ve proven my point: you need to get out there and find your own new ideas. Find the ideas that do help you break through. Want work/life balance? Talk about it. Ask for ideas. Go get your light bulb moment.

Talk to your Partner

Maybe what you need at this stage isn’t to get more ideas, or maybe you already have ideas but just need to put them to work.

One of the key people to involve in this discussion is your partner – your significant other or even your business partner. These are people whose lives are intimately entwined with your own. Are there agreements you need to make? Changes? Requests? Many people go through their days stressed and strapped for time, assuming there’s no way to change the situation, but it could be that if you have the courage to talk to your partner, the two of you can come up with new solutions.

Talk to Your Boss

Just as we make assumptions about what is or isn’t possible with our partners, we can also make assumptions about what is and isn’t possible at work.

Again, when I think about all the leaders I have coached to save them time and help them balance their lives for a more fulfilling and impactful approach, the ideas start rolling.

There was Tom, who brought his baby to work at times when his wife was traveling.

There was Renee, who cut back on travel by mastering the virtual meeting.

There was Kurt, who gave up endless hours of stress, worry and busyness by focusing his role and reconfiguring his team.

As another reminder, the point isn’t that these strategies are the ones that would work for you – although they might – but that all of these strategies came out of new agreements these leaders developed with their boss.

Having a discussion around what you want your job and home life combination to look like is a great step in the right direction. In doing this, you will be able to design the best strategy for your time and find the balance you never thought possible.

Let’s Start Talking!

If you’re ready to create a better balance, try these 7 shortcuts for maximizing your time. You’ll be amazed at what’s possible when you do.

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My Top 3 Strategies for Gaining Recognition in the Workplace

As Dale Carnegie said, “People work for money but the extra mile for recognition, praise and rewards.” For many leaders, recognition in the workplace is a reward in itself. They want their good performance celebrated, and recognition by management and peers of their contribution to the organization is a source of validation and fulfillment.

You might want that kind of recognition for yourself. Many of us do. But we don’t always get it.

In fact, many of us feel just the opposite. Unappreciated. Undervalued. Overlooked.

 

You can actually influence this yourself, however. Instead of waiting for others to recognize you or hoping they do, you can build recognition with some effort of your own. Try these strategies:

 

Signposting

To reiterate the importance of performance, the quickest way to get noticed is to get something accomplished that no one else has been able to do. But there’s an additional piece to performance that ensures you actually get your good work recognized – you have to point it out.

One strategy you can use to do this is called “signposting.” You tell people exactly what you did so they can recognize it. It might sound something like this: “As you know, I’ve been working on increasing revenue. I’m pleased to announce in the last quarter I raised our revenue by eight percent.” Or: “You’ll see our team has succeeded in bring in several new clients. I’m proud of their efforts. I’ve made it a priority to focus their attention and make sure they had the resources to get there, and they did.”

Signposting doesn’t mean you brag about yourself and take all the credit. In a team effort, you may very well acknowledge that the team gets the credit and that they made the difference. But you can also make it clear as to who enabled that to happen.

 

Capture the Brilliance and the Buzz

Secondly, when taking credit or looking to get noticed, it’s important to make sure you got the message right. You have to take responsibility for expressing what you want, and you need to be qualified when you do so.

Some people do this badly. They may take credit they don’t deserve, or make their results look better than they are. You have to have the substance to back up your claims. Does that mean a little bit of buzz doesn’t matter? Not necessarily. If people don’t know you very well, they may respond to your enthusiasm and the impression you make. The excitement you create around your ideas can draw attention to your ideas. On the other hand, if you have a brilliant mind and game-changing ideas but convey the message awkwardly, people may get distracted and overlook the substance.

In other words, neither is enough. The goal is to have substance, presented well—the brilliance and the buzz. Some people have exceptional performance that goes unnoticed. Some people get all the attention but don’t deliver. You need both.

 

Know Where the Bar Is

Finally, in order to gain recognition from others, you need to know what they’re looking for and what will count as success. For example, it’s not just what matters to you that gets you noticed. It’s what matters to the person you want to do the noticing.

If you want to impress your bosses, are they impressed by numbers, or do they focus more on stories that wow and inspire?

If you want recognition from your team members, do they value autonomy more, or direction?

Being able to discern what others value gives us the opportunity to align to their needs, which they are likely to appreciate and recognize.

So we ask ourselves, how do we find out what matters to these people? Begin with being perceptive—notice what people respond to and what they seem to value. Then, put yourself in their shoes. Understand what their concerns and goals are, along with what drives them. Finally, you can ask the person directly what’s most important to them. You can view this as a high sign of respect.

 

By taking these steps, you’ll make an impression on the people you want to notice you – developing your relationship with them while understanding more about how you can stand out in their minds.

Find more strategies for gaining recognition and creating win-wins for your organization and yourself in Joelle’s book with Howard Morgan, The New Advantage.

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How To Define Your Metrics For Success In 3 Questions

What is the single biggest driver for career advancement? In my view, it’s your performance. Or, at least performance is the one over which you have the most control. If you excel at your job and get stellar results, you’ll know you’re positioning yourself to be noticed.

 

There are three questions you can ask yourself to assess the impact of performance on your career:

First, is performance emphasized where you work?

Second, which performance measures will you use?

And finally, how will you claim your results?

If you can get crystal clear in all three areas, you will be doing everything possible to make your good work count.

 

Begin by assessing your company, and what it values when promoting. Does your company place a high emphasis in performance, or does it take in to account other aspects which are more important to them? If your company does place a high emphasis on performance, then you have to decide which performance measures will best highlight your hard work. There are tons of performance measures to choose from, some of which your company might track themselves, and others that you will have to do on your own. Either way, tracking your performance so that they numbers can talk for themselves is very important.

Finally, you have to be willing to claim your results and let people know that you played a vital role in achieving them.

In short, the strategy is this: focus on performance, get the results, and make an effort to point out those results so you can get the credit (and opportunities) you have earned.

 

Performance is one of the key advantages for leaders who want to advance their careers. To learn all nine advantages, check out The New Advantage: How Women in Leadership Can Create Win-Wins for Their Companies and Themselves and take your free self-assessment!

This article was originally published on Inc.com.

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The 3 Essential Ingredients for Advancing Women Leaders

 

Women leaders: There is much you can do to empower yourself to achieve in your career and take leadership in your own life.

We can’t always change others’ ways of thinking, but we can play a part in inspiring change. The culture is quickly changing, becoming more gender-balanced, generationally rich and culturally diverse.

 

If you are a corporate leader seeking to balance your leadership team, here are three top recommendations for advancing women in leadership. If you are a woman who wants to elevate yourself, work with your organization to discover what resources are available, or take leadership to create these opportunities for yourself.

 

Find the right tools.  The new advantage for women in leadership is knowing you can empower yourself to achieve in your career and take leadership in your own life – and a large part of that is finding the right tools to help you continue to learn, grow and succeed.

Whether it’s the right mentor, the right coach, the right reading materials, or the right class or networking capabilities, be open to using the tools at your disposal.

 

Encourage executive coaching. Because the dilemmas are still not always safe topics for conversation, the confidentiality of executive coaching and its deeply personal, entirely individualized nature makes it an ideal environment for working through the challenges that inevitably accompany leadership development and taking advantage of the opportunities ahead.

Of course, as executive coaches we’re biased here. More than enough evidence suggests executive coaching is an invaluable tool to increasing the presence of women at the corporate executive level.

In our own research at the Leadership Research Institute, we have found executive coaching for executive women has resulted directly in promotions. In one study, over 85% of the female senior-level leaders we have coached were promoted with the first six months of beginning their coaching, and almost all of them advanced within the year.

 

Offer leadership development programs for women in leadership. Programs that teach the skills and strategies of leadership provide the opportunity for learning and discussion about the challenges facing women and men in the workplace. The challenges are critical for all aspiring leaders to understand – not just for women.

Leadership development programs can be part of a comprehensive strategy that companies adopt to integrate the development of talented leaders with the goals of their companies to promote their advancement.

 

Corporate Leaders: When you include all three elements mentioned above in your wheelhouse for advancing talent, and when you commit to balancing your leadership teams with both women and men who are the best, strongest, most talented, most committed leaders, you’ll see remarkable results.

Women in Leadership: As you now continue to advance your career, use the above methods to gain knowledge and strategies for supporting women in leadership – starting with yourself.

 

Are you ready to get your new advantage? Get your free Executive Summary of The New Advantage here!

The previous article appeared on Inc.com as a part of my column, “Behind The Desk.” Look out for new columns every week!

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5 Things You Can Do Right Now To Get Recognized At Work

Do you feel overlooked? Unappreciated? Undervalued?

 

Even the most promising leaders may not get the recognition they’re hoping for. One 2006 Gallup study revealed that 61% of employees feel unappreciated at work. That can be demotivating and affect your sense of self-confidence, as well as the sense of joy you get for your work.

If you’re a high performer, you want to know you’re important and make a difference. And you are – but you may have to be the one to help others see it.

 

Here are five things you can do today to make sure you’re being recognized.

 

  1. Raise your hand. Recognition is about raising your hand, claiming credit for your work, volunteering yourself, and speaking up, so that others value your contributions and you create opportunities for yourself.
  1. Speak up. Results don’t always speak for themselves. Sometimes we have to speak for them. This means getting real about the numbers – pull metrics to show how much capital you’ve raised for your company, how many hours you’ve put into projects, or how many team members you’ve mentored. Quantifying your results will bolster your credibility, and help get you the recognition you deserve.
  1. Advocate for yourself. You can be yourself and still get yourself noticed. You may feel self-conscious shining a light on your accomplishments, but you don’t have to be a braggart to be appropriately self-advocating.
  1. Know your own value. In order for others to value you, you have to first value yourself. Your ability shine a spotlight on your good work serves your own career, of course, but it also serves your company, your clients and your team.
  1. Celebrate your wins! Recognition comes when you achieve what’s important to the people around you and highlight the wins. Whether this is in a presentation, a paper, or even a company-wide email, highlighting the wins and shouting out about a recent success is one way to earn the high-visibility you’ve earned.


Your ability to call attention to your achievements and ask for what you need will serve your career. You don’t have to overdo it. Just make sure you don’t avoid doing it at all.

As you’re articulating your accomplishments, ask yourself:

  • What do you want to be recognized for, and why?
  • Who do you want to recognize what you’ve done, and what’s important to that person to know, see and hear?
  • What changes in your own behavior might you need to make to effectively get recognition?
  • Have your results been noticed so far, and what has been the result?

Companies with a “recognition-rich culture” have a 31% lower turnover rate – which is important for women, who reportedly value “appreciation by their manager” 15% over men as an important reward for their work.

You can get yourself noticed at work. When you do, you’ll gain the benefits and opportunities that come to you when you clearly convey your true worth.

 

For more on how to be recognized at work, see my resources.

The previous article appeared on Inc.com as a part of my column, “Behind The Desk.” Look out for new columns every week!

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4 Reasons Successful Leaders Lose Sight Of The Importance of Performance

Have you ever felt that no matter how well you do at work, you never seem to get the rewards?

It’s a frustrating experience, and perhaps even more so for women than for men. (Research shows that whereas men only have to show potential, women are only promoted on their performance). Either way, it’s critical for you to have proven accomplishments if you want your talent to be recognized.

Unfortunately, there’s no guarantee that your performance will speak for itself. Corporate life is more complex than that. But, you can make great strides by understanding the advantages of exceptional performance. Throughout the ups and downs of a career, it may be the best thing you can do for yourself.

You may be thinking as you’re reading this that you’ve been focused on your performance all along, which is excellent. But leaders lose sight of this critical element of their success. There are several reasons:

1. It may seem strange, but it’s possible to miss the importance of performance.

Performance measures may not be clear in your organization, or maybe you’re the one who’s not entirely clear on those measures.

2. You can become focused on the wrong thing – the next job, office politics, or the fire drill of the moment, instead of your results.

If you’re not tracking your progress, it could be that no one else is, either.

3. You can neglect to track changes in your performance measures over time.

Your performance measures change as your jobs change throughout your career. Be sure you’re staying current.

4. One final, and potentially disastrous mistake is forgetting to identify, communicate, and improve your results.

You don’t have to overdo it, but you do have own your performance. No one else will do it for you.

You can avoid these pitfalls by getting clear on the performance measures that matter in your role – tracking the changes in those measures as their careers progress – and continuing to prioritize your results. Ask yourself: What are the performance measures on which you’re judged? Does your manager agree, and how do you know? Do you have concrete examples of results you’ve delivered and their importance to the organization? How will you measure your own results, and how will you communicate those results?

Remember, when it comes to your own performance, you are your own best advocate. You secure your performance by getting clear on the metrics that matter in your role – tracking the changes in those measures as your career progresses – and continuing to track your results.

 

The previous article appeared on Inc.com as a part of my column, “Behind The Desk.” Look out for new columns every week!

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3 Steps Toward Personal Mastery You Can Take Right Now

In my last column I discussed three challenges that every successful CEO and entrepreneur has faced when it comes to personal mastery: Procrastination, fear of visibility, running out of steam or giving up before you see the results you’re looking for, and how to overcome them. This idea came about from a recent conversation I had with my fellow leadership coach, Dawn Grossart, when we compared our experiences with leaders we’ve coached and came to the same conclusion: Most people are trying to achieve personal mastery, but most just lack the framework.

When it comes to creating a framework for how to achieve personal mastery, try this exercise that you can do right now.

The path forward can often be found by laying on a framework – a road map toward your goal. Maybe you know where you are, and you know where you want to go, but you don’t know how to get there. The way to fill in that crucial middle step is to create a frame work so you can be methodical about how to actually move forward.

Identify what you want. And this is the time which you call this revision but in your personal life it’s just being able to answer the question: “What do you want?”

Focus on that. Prioritizing what you want is a practice compared to just wanting it but being really busy and stressed in the rest of your life, and so you never get to it.

Take action. If you have those first two items, vision and focus, now you can put pen to paper and identify your action plan. That can take the form of the good old fashion to-do list, or a more sophisticated version of an action plan that helps to prioritize your action.

From there you suddenly shift into moving forward. Those three pieces I call a “cycle of action.” Once you have a solid framework together from the three steps above you can start layering in the pieces that are going to help you accelerate progress.

Identify your strengths, and think about how can you use your strength to achieve your goal. Revisit your values and think about how you can tackle the three steps above in a way that is right for you – this will make you feel like you’ve succeeded long before you’ve even achieved all of your goal. It will be a fulfilling and exciting process for you because it’s aligned to who you are and what you want.

When you know how to identify where you want to go, you can develop a plan to get there. That’s personal mastery, and it’s how you get to be a better leader while also leading a better life.

For everyone reading this, know that you are exactly where you need to be right now, today, and reading this is going to be offer you your next step. So, before you do anything further today, I would encourage you to pause, think about one strategy mentioned above that you feel you can tackle, and then make an action step for yourself. From there you will be on your way to achieving personal leadership and personal mastery.

 

For more ways to create a framework tailored to your personal needs, see my services page.

 

The previous article appeared on Inc.com as a part of my column, “Behind The Desk.” Look out for new columns every week!

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The Four-step System For Conquering Your New Year’s Resolution

It’s the 3rd week of January.

How’s that New Year’s Resolution going?

New Year’s Resolutions have a poor reputation for being successful, but it’s rarely because of the goals set themselves. Your goals are important. You do want to achieve them. Sometimes people are quick to dismiss the value of New Year’s Resolutions and even stop setting them – after all, what’s the point, if you’re not going to follow through? But if you set a resolution – or a goal – that matters to you, maybe the solution lies not in giving up but shoring up your chance to be successful.

What you need is a proper framework.

A framework is a way of thinking and doing things that you can count on to help you succeed. Without a framework, you’re left to your own unreliable devices. Will power. Trying really hard. Both strategies that fail when your motivation wanes.

It’s better to tackle your goals with a framework you can follow that will lead you through the hard times and help you stay motivated for the long term.

So how to you go from “trying really hard” to actually achieving your 2017 goals? Try this framework: problem, project, plan, and process.

Problem. Define the problem. We make changes when something is wrong and we want it to better. So what’s wrong? What’s the problem you’re trying to solve?

Project. Once you’ve identified the problem, make solving it your new project. Aside from setting the goal (“Drop 10 pounds.” “Increase revenue 10%.” “Hire new team.”), take the time to sit down and map out how you will achieve it.

Plan. Once you know how you want to tackle this project, put pen to paper and make the plan. What will you do, and when? What’s your timeline? What are the milestones? What are the steps?

Process. A plan is only as good as the paper it’s written on until you implement it, so the last step is to put a process into place. Decide when you will revisit the plan, and how often. Set about a regular routine of identifying the next immediate step; taking that step; evaluating the outcome; and revisiting the plan for the new next step. If you do this, achieving your goals is no harder than a walk through the park. You just take one step after another, until before you know it, you’ve arrived where you wanted to be.

Imagine the difference this could make for you in achieving your goals. Where once you had a feeble resolution (“Get my finances together”) now you have clarity about the problem (“My finances are a mess, and if I’m not careful I’m going to miss the chance to build a strong retirement.”). You have taken it on as a project. (“In the next six months, I am going to focus squarely on getting organized with my finances.”) You developed a plan. (“I know what I am going to do in each month to move from a mess to a strong financial set-up for the long-term.”) And you have a process. (“Monday is now “Money Monday.” Every Monday I look at my financial plan and choose the steps to move forward.”)

When it comes to making your 2017 goals a reality, remember, don’t just get inspired. Get ready, get started, get it done, and get the results!

 

The previous article appeared on Inc.com as a part of my column, “Behind The Desk.” Look out for new columns every week!

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3 Challenges To Personal Mastery Every Successful CEO Must Conquer

Leadership is the ability to define an inspiring vision of the future and then compel people to achieve it. Personal leadership is the ability to do that for yourself – identifying “what do I need to do,” “why am I doing it,” “how do I do it,” “who can help” and “how do I leverage my strength.” If you do that in a way that is structured and disciplined, you can gain personal mastery.

Several months ago I spoke with fellow coach, Dawn Grossart, on the subject of personal mastery, and we came to the same conclusion: Personal mastery is that pot at the end of the rainbow that most people are trying to achieve, whether they’re first starting out in their careers or if they’re successful entrepreneurs or CEOs.

When done right, personal mastery becomes self-initiative growth and drive to success on your own. When you can do that, then you’ll have clarity and confidence, and you can achieve what you want to achieve and live the life you want to live.

The greatest challenges entrepreneurs face when it comes to self-mastery are the usual suspects: Procrastination, fear of visibility, running out of steam or giving up before you see the results you’re looking for. It gets hard. What I like to coach leaders to do is to identify those challenges, and then identify the polar opposite – the matching solution.

So, for example, if procrastination is the challenge, then personal mastery for you might be about developing discipline. Or, if you’re challenge is fear of visibility, then maybe the solution has to do with finding your way and your comfort zone. So, maybe you’re not ever going to be on The Today Show, maybe that’s not your kind of visibility, but maybe a local audience on your local station’s public morning show is where your true customer base lies.

Last, when it comes to giving up or running out of steam, sometimes leaders forget to identify the matrix and measure themselves against those matrixes so they can see the progress they’re making and let that become their motivation to keep going. They may actually be, in fact, moving forward, and they need to be able to see it on paper to get the feeling that they’re actually moving ahead getting where they want to go.

Here is something I’ve learned as a leadership coach: The coaches’ job is to help people find their own answers. But people can only find their own answers if the answers are already within them. Sometimes just a little bit of information from the outside can change everything, so in addition to finding your own framework, successful leaders must go out and search: What is the framework you need to accomplish your goals, what are you trying to achieve, and who can help you do that? Now, take your framework and tweak it until you find the one that’s right for you and get to the results you want: personal mastery.

 

The previous article appeared on Inc.com as a part of my column, “Behind The Desk.” Look out for new columns every week!

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How Women Leaders Can Define Their Own Metric For Success

You can make great strides in your career by understanding the advantages of exceptional performance, and how to make that performance count. Performance is the degree to which you do your job well. Your performance is measured by your results, using whatever outcomes matter most in your organization and your role in the organization.

Leaders strive to have meaningful results. They want to know their efforts will make a positive impact on their careers, whether that means building their reputation, getting new opportunities, or being rewarded for their good work. Unfortunately, there is no guarantee. Corporate life is more complex than that.

Many company leaders believe that their performance will count for everything; however, in complicated and changing organizations, it doesn’t. When it comes time for career advancement, you cannot always control what happens to you or believe that your performance will count for everything. But, you can take steps to ensure that good things do happen and allow your performance to be the foundation to that success.

Performance becomes a dilemma for women when it doesn’t seem to count the way it should–you do your best, get great feedback, and nothing happens. Research shows that women, much more than men, must have proven accomplishments before their talent is recognized.

The perfect performance environment would be a true meritocracy–a system in which people chosen to advance were selected on the basis of their ability. Performance is certainly not the metric from which people are evaluated, but it is the most important. Performance is a clear indicator of success and understanding when to deliver peak performance and showcasing it appropriately cornerstones a place for a successful career.

Leaders can lose sight of this when they forget to prioritize and advocate for their own good performance for several reasons. For instance, performance measures may not be clear in your organization, or maybe you’re the one who is not entirely clear on those measures. Clarifying those priorities can make identifying your performance more obvious and directed. You can also become focused on the wrong thing–the next job, office politics, or the fire drill of the moment, instead of your results. In addition, you can neglect to track changes in your performance measures overtime. Your performance measure changes as your jobs change throughout your career. Be sure you are staying current.

A final, and potential disastrous mistake is forgetting to identify, communicate, and improve your results. You don’t have to overdo it, but you do have to own your performance. No one else will do it for you.

You secure your performance by getting clear on the metrics that matter in your role–tracking the changes in those measures as your career progresses–and continuing to track your results.

By doing this, you can reap the benefits of a job well done. Typical benefits of good performance are pretty straightforward: salary, benefits and bonuses. Beyond that, additional and less concrete rewards become available such as confidence, marketability, promotability, career choice, and fulfillment.

If you show yourself to be a talented leader–and a future leader–of your company, you can start gathering the experiences now that you will need to succeed in the future. Then you won’t just be promotable, you will be prepared.

 

The previous article appeared on Inc.com as a part of my column, “Behind The Desk.” Look out for new columns every week!