Joelle K. Jay

joelle k. jay

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Why We Need To Talk Work/Life Balance

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Recently when I was giving a keynote talk to a Silicon Valley tech company, I asked the question, “How many of you want a better work/life balance?” Every hand in the room shot up.

I then asked, “How many of you believe you have work/life balance?” Every hand in the room dropped down.

Test it. What if I ask you?

Do you want better work/life balance?

Do you believe you have it?

If you are one of the lucky ones who are living their lives with a sense of serenity and ease, be sure to pass on your secrets! And if you’re not, know that you can get there. Either way, often the first step on the path to achieving that elusive work/life balance is to talk about it.

Talk to Your Friends and Co-Workers

            When I encourage you to pass on your work/life balance secrets, I actually do mean it – and if you’re seeking those secrets, ask around for ideas.

It may sound too simple, but I can tell you from experience that it works. The breakthroughs you so desperately want may be only a conversation away. All you have to do is take the initiative.

In that Silicon Valley room, seeing how the participants felt about work/life balance, I gave them some time to talk about it. In small groups they simply shared their best ideas – the ways they, individually, had saved themselves time and found better balance. In the span of just a few minutes, ideas were shared, collected, and adapted around the room. You could practically see the light bulbs going off as participants racked up ideas to save themselves hours and hours of time.

One participant learned how to better set expectations. Her co-worker at the table told her how she starts every meeting by telling everyone exactly how much time she had, and she sticks to it – saving herself at least an hour of meeting overflow time per day in the process. What would you do with an extra hour a day? Could setting expectations in some area of your life help you, too?

Another participant discovered she could save two hours a day by shifting her work hours to avoid traffic. Bay Area commutes are notoriously long, and for a driver whose commute could last 90 minutes each way, a simple change in those work hours could save her, her company and her family (day care!) time and money. Would your company prefer to have you wasting time in traffic, or contributing meaningfully to work on a slightly different schedule? Would your family be happier to have you home more? Would you? If your company is open to flexible work hours, this is something worth bringing up to management.

Perhaps neither of these suggestions fit for you. If you’ve read this far and aren’t getting any new ideas about setting expectations or shifting your work hours, you’ve proven my point: you need to get out there and find your own new ideas. Find the ideas that do help you break through. Want work/life balance? Talk about it. Ask for ideas. Go get your light bulb moment.

Talk to your Partner

Maybe what you need at this stage isn’t to get more ideas, or maybe you already have ideas but just need to put them to work.

One of the key people to involve in this discussion is your partner – your significant other or even your business partner. These are people whose lives are intimately entwined with your own. Are there agreements you need to make? Changes? Requests? Many people go through their days stressed and strapped for time, assuming there’s no way to change the situation, but it could be that if you have the courage to talk to your partner, the two of you can come up with new solutions.

Talk to Your Boss

Just as we make assumptions about what is or isn’t possible with our partners, we can also make assumptions about what is and isn’t possible at work.

Again, when I think about all the leaders I have coached to save them time and help them balance their lives for a more fulfilling and impactful approach, the ideas start rolling.

There was Tom, who brought his baby to work at times when his wife was traveling.

There was Renee, who cut back on travel by mastering the virtual meeting.

There was Kurt, who gave up endless hours of stress, worry and busyness by focusing his role and reconfiguring his team.

As another reminder, the point isn’t that these strategies are the ones that would work for you – although they might – but that all of these strategies came out of new agreements these leaders developed with their boss.

Having a discussion around what you want your job and home life combination to look like is a great step in the right direction. In doing this, you will be able to design the best strategy for your time and find the balance you never thought possible.

Let’s Start Talking!

If you’re ready to create a better balance, try these 7 shortcuts for maximizing your time. You’ll be amazed at what’s possible when you do.

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3 Most Productive Ways To Use Feedback

Have you gotten feedback lately? How did you respond?

People fall into a number of pitfalls when it comes to feedback: They take it too personally. They get too defensive. They rationalize it and reject it.

None of this is helpful, to you or your career.

Your willingness to listen, learn, and improve will do more for your perception as a committed leader than anything else. A few simple steps on your part, in addition to getting the feedback, will make the process pay off.

 

A great first step is to come into feedback with an open mind. A common response is to defensiveness. When you shut down, you don’t take in the feedback at all. Now you are not only ignoring what you might need to change or improve but you are also closing off all possibilities of getting the insights you need to learn to do things differently.

Next, treat feedback as exactly what it is: Information. Before you discount any kind of feedback, at least make the effort to understand it and either validate or invalidate it. Feedback is just information; it is not the gospel truth. Feedback is someone opinion of you, wrapped in their personal experiences, bias, and observations. Some of it will be valuable and some will not.

Follow through. You have a choice on how you want to approach feedback—you can ignore it, or you can accept it. Once you have the feedback, you have to actually do something with it – including reflecting on the results, creating a plan of actions based on the information, and following through with the people who gave you the feedback. When asking for feedback, try the following suggestions to make sure you have a positive experience: thanking your participants, sharing what you have learned, describing what you will do now, asking for further suggestions, and following up periodically.

 

Taking these steps will communicate to everyone around you that you are a person who listens and who wants to be your best. The number one predictor of perceived effectiveness is your commitments to your own self-improvement. It is only part of the process to be committed. You need to show you are committed. Otherwise, no one will know. If they don’t know you have received the feedback, what would make them think it was worth giving in the first place?

One last thing. Now that you’re staying open to feedback, ask yourself whether you’re getting enough feedback, and the right kind to advance your career. Feedback, well-done, is one of the secrets of High Performing Leaders. To discover how you can get yourself high-quality feedback to improve your results, be sure to check out The 360 Investment – a self-study course that uses techniques of today’s best executive coaches to get you the feedback you need.

 

This article was originally posted as an Inc Column on Inc.com.

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The 3 Essential Ingredients for Advancing Women Leaders

 

Women leaders: There is much you can do to empower yourself to achieve in your career and take leadership in your own life.

We can’t always change others’ ways of thinking, but we can play a part in inspiring change. The culture is quickly changing, becoming more gender-balanced, generationally rich and culturally diverse.

 

If you are a corporate leader seeking to balance your leadership team, here are three top recommendations for advancing women in leadership. If you are a woman who wants to elevate yourself, work with your organization to discover what resources are available, or take leadership to create these opportunities for yourself.

 

Find the right tools.  The new advantage for women in leadership is knowing you can empower yourself to achieve in your career and take leadership in your own life – and a large part of that is finding the right tools to help you continue to learn, grow and succeed.

Whether it’s the right mentor, the right coach, the right reading materials, or the right class or networking capabilities, be open to using the tools at your disposal.

 

Encourage executive coaching. Because the dilemmas are still not always safe topics for conversation, the confidentiality of executive coaching and its deeply personal, entirely individualized nature makes it an ideal environment for working through the challenges that inevitably accompany leadership development and taking advantage of the opportunities ahead.

Of course, as executive coaches we’re biased here. More than enough evidence suggests executive coaching is an invaluable tool to increasing the presence of women at the corporate executive level.

In our own research at the Leadership Research Institute, we have found executive coaching for executive women has resulted directly in promotions. In one study, over 85% of the female senior-level leaders we have coached were promoted with the first six months of beginning their coaching, and almost all of them advanced within the year.

 

Offer leadership development programs for women in leadership. Programs that teach the skills and strategies of leadership provide the opportunity for learning and discussion about the challenges facing women and men in the workplace. The challenges are critical for all aspiring leaders to understand – not just for women.

Leadership development programs can be part of a comprehensive strategy that companies adopt to integrate the development of talented leaders with the goals of their companies to promote their advancement.

 

Corporate Leaders: When you include all three elements mentioned above in your wheelhouse for advancing talent, and when you commit to balancing your leadership teams with both women and men who are the best, strongest, most talented, most committed leaders, you’ll see remarkable results.

Women in Leadership: As you now continue to advance your career, use the above methods to gain knowledge and strategies for supporting women in leadership – starting with yourself.

 

Are you ready to get your new advantage? Get your free Executive Summary of The New Advantage here!

The previous article appeared on Inc.com as a part of my column, “Behind The Desk.” Look out for new columns every week!

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3 Steps To Create A High-functioning Team

Every leader wants a high-functioning team. On a high-functioning team, the members are highly engaged. They distribute tasks to build on each other’s strengths, generate ideas and find creative solutions in a spirit of collaboration, synergy, and a conviction that ‘‘all of us is better than one of us.’’ Together, they achieve the common goal.

The belief is that a team that makes the most of the talent around the table creates better results.

It’s energizing, it’s inspiring, and it’s efficient. It’s also good for business. Good teamwork is credited for a host of positive outcomes, among them productivity, performance, client satisfaction, and strategic alignment.

But how does one get such a team?

If you look around your own team and see a loose collection of individuals, heads down in their offices, focused on their personal agendas, you’re not alone. A high-functioning team is not easy to build. But it can be done – and the following three steps are a great start.

 

Ask the right questions. Have each member of your team answer three questions:

  1. What are the strengths you can build on to improve your leadership?
  2. Where are your opportunities for improvement?
  3. What goal do you want to set now?

Have everyone take the time, individually, to provide thoughtful answers.

 

Build an action plan. The resulting action plan from the data above will give each leader a focus for ongoing support to drive the team toward growth in the areas that matters most to them and their team, and where the payoff for improvement would affect them personally and contribute to the success of the organization.

Sample action plans include:

  • Being more strategic and less tactical in day-to-day work,
  • improving employee engagement,
  • changing up management styles, or
  • delegating more effectively to focus on strategic priorities.

Each team member’s action plan will be unique and tailored to his or her specific goals.

 

Make time for group leadership development. Group leadership development meetings can occur one-on-one or in a group, perhaps once a month. In your first meeting, put together four to six topics in the areas of leadership and management that could shore up the team’s capacity as individuals and more importantly, that would strengthen their leadership capacity as a group. Then spend the coming months tackling those topics together in the service of your goals.

 

To be truly effective, a high-functioning team should have clear, agreed-upon goals. The ultimate goal of these meetings is for the team to designed their future. Fresh ideas will emerge, each member will contribute, and, more importantly, the team will be able to achieve all of this on their own – which, after all, may be the hallmark of a true, high-functioning team.

 

To learn more about how SBL can help you get results for your team and organization, as well as yourself on an individual level, see my guide.

The previous article appeared on Inc.com as a part of my column, “Behind The Desk.” Look out for new columns every week!

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Why You Need To Adopt A Strength-Based Leadership Strategy This Year

A focus on weakness is ingrained in our culture, and, during these changing times in leadership, it’s time for a paradigm shift in that thinking. A new movement in the business world could fundamentally change the way we think about improvement, especially for business leaders who truly want to be their best and to bring out the best in their people.

This revolution capitalizes on the unique contributions of each individual, leveraging their unmatched, powerful ways of being and doing. It results in increased efficiency, improved effectiveness and a happier way of life.

The approach is Strengths-Based Leadership (SBL).

SBL is a philosophy of leadership based on the belief that we are all born with unique strengths and talents, and that when we act in alignment with those strengths, we are at our best. We can understand it by studying its history, or context, and its key concepts. SBL is part mindset, part skills and practice.

 

Two key concepts explain this approach, the understanding of which allow individuals to leverage the philosophy and play to their strengths:

 

Our strengths are enduring and unique. Our strengths are enduring, because we are born with them. Strengths are things we do naturally. They’re easy for us, and we usually enjoy doing them. They’re unique, because no one else in the world has the same combination of strengths, expressed the same way, as anyone else.

 

Our greatest room for growth is in the direction of our strength. For many people, this is a switch. Typically what people do is put all of their attention and energy into their weaknesses and take their strengths for granted.

 

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to improve; it’s the obsession with weaknesses as the place to improve that’s counterproductive. It’s much more powerful to build on our strengths. Importantly, the message should not be that we ignore our shortcomings. In many instances, we must attend to them. We manage our weaknesses so we can build on our strengths.

So when it comes to putting SBL to work, you must first identify your strengths, then commit to doing more of the activities that strengthen you while doing less of the activities that weaken you. What are your strengths? How can you minimize your weaknesses? How can your weaknesses work for you? Ask yourself, your mentor and trusted friends these questions to capitalize on how SBL can radicalize your leadership strategy.

 

To learn more about how SBL can help you get results for your team and organization, as well as yourself on an individual level, see my guide.

The previous article appeared on Inc.com as a part of my column, “Behind The Desk.” Look out for new columns every week!

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Leaders: This Is The Secret To Preserving Top Talent

If company leaders hope to keep top talent, they are going to have to preserve their most talented employees.

If talented employees hope to fulfill their potential, they are going to have to learn to think differently.

For both company leaders and their talented workers, the kind of thinking and working required in the complex work environments that have come to characterize today’s business settings are more intense than they were in the past. To succeed, employees must learn to be more strategic.

More thoughtful.

More aligned.

Leaders at every level must be approach their work with all of the talent they have, for the benefit of the company and for the sustainability of their results.

Imagine what a difference that could make. Leaders who take time for the proactive, good strategic thinking feel clearer and more settled. They are able to discern the priorities and stay focused on them, and the rest of the busyness just fades into the background. They are more focused on results. They are better team players. They are aligned to their company vision, their managers’ needs and their partners.

Best of all, they have time for themselves to rest and renew their energy. Overall, they experience a more committed, results-based approach to work and life that leads to loyalty in a company, better retention, and a better quality of life.

How does one create such an environment? The secret is personal leadership.

Just as corporate leaders must apply the practices and principles of strong leadership to make their company succeed, so must individual employees apply the practices and principles of strong leadership to succeed for themselves. Personal leadership is at the heart of a high quality way to work.

Bringing a personal leadership approach to an organization – or even to your own work – requires three steps.

First, identify talented individuals in whom to invest. If you’re a leader who wants to be successful in your own career, that “talented individual” may be you.

Next, empower them to take a leadership mindset, and teach them to focus on their top priorities.

Last, do so in a way that would be efficient in terms of both cost and time so they develop themselves as leaders while keeping up with the pace of their business.

One company I worked with build a program around these three steps, with impressive results. They nominated their top talent to participate in a leadership program focusing on personal leadership. They helped participants to see themselves as leaders who added value to the company. And they integrated their leadership development with big goals for the company. As a result, the program participants not only felt stronger as leaders, they improved their impact to the company, to the tune of millions of dollars added to the bottom line.

Learn more about how personal leadership can help get results for your company – or for you personally. Download a free Executive Summary of personal leadership and get started learning how you can be a better leader… and lead a better life.

 

The previous article appeared on Inc.com as a part of my column, “Behind The Desk.” Look out for new columns every week!

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5 Things You Can Do Right Now To Get Recognized At Work

Do you feel overlooked? Unappreciated? Undervalued?

 

Even the most promising leaders may not get the recognition they’re hoping for. One 2006 Gallup study revealed that 61% of employees feel unappreciated at work. That can be demotivating and affect your sense of self-confidence, as well as the sense of joy you get for your work.

If you’re a high performer, you want to know you’re important and make a difference. And you are – but you may have to be the one to help others see it.

 

Here are five things you can do today to make sure you’re being recognized.

 

  1. Raise your hand. Recognition is about raising your hand, claiming credit for your work, volunteering yourself, and speaking up, so that others value your contributions and you create opportunities for yourself.
  1. Speak up. Results don’t always speak for themselves. Sometimes we have to speak for them. This means getting real about the numbers – pull metrics to show how much capital you’ve raised for your company, how many hours you’ve put into projects, or how many team members you’ve mentored. Quantifying your results will bolster your credibility, and help get you the recognition you deserve.
  1. Advocate for yourself. You can be yourself and still get yourself noticed. You may feel self-conscious shining a light on your accomplishments, but you don’t have to be a braggart to be appropriately self-advocating.
  1. Know your own value. In order for others to value you, you have to first value yourself. Your ability shine a spotlight on your good work serves your own career, of course, but it also serves your company, your clients and your team.
  1. Celebrate your wins! Recognition comes when you achieve what’s important to the people around you and highlight the wins. Whether this is in a presentation, a paper, or even a company-wide email, highlighting the wins and shouting out about a recent success is one way to earn the high-visibility you’ve earned.


Your ability to call attention to your achievements and ask for what you need will serve your career. You don’t have to overdo it. Just make sure you don’t avoid doing it at all.

As you’re articulating your accomplishments, ask yourself:

  • What do you want to be recognized for, and why?
  • Who do you want to recognize what you’ve done, and what’s important to that person to know, see and hear?
  • What changes in your own behavior might you need to make to effectively get recognition?
  • Have your results been noticed so far, and what has been the result?

Companies with a “recognition-rich culture” have a 31% lower turnover rate – which is important for women, who reportedly value “appreciation by their manager” 15% over men as an important reward for their work.

You can get yourself noticed at work. When you do, you’ll gain the benefits and opportunities that come to you when you clearly convey your true worth.

 

For more on how to be recognized at work, see my resources.

The previous article appeared on Inc.com as a part of my column, “Behind The Desk.” Look out for new columns every week!

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4 Reasons Successful Leaders Lose Sight Of The Importance of Performance

Have you ever felt that no matter how well you do at work, you never seem to get the rewards?

It’s a frustrating experience, and perhaps even more so for women than for men. (Research shows that whereas men only have to show potential, women are only promoted on their performance). Either way, it’s critical for you to have proven accomplishments if you want your talent to be recognized.

Unfortunately, there’s no guarantee that your performance will speak for itself. Corporate life is more complex than that. But, you can make great strides by understanding the advantages of exceptional performance. Throughout the ups and downs of a career, it may be the best thing you can do for yourself.

You may be thinking as you’re reading this that you’ve been focused on your performance all along, which is excellent. But leaders lose sight of this critical element of their success. There are several reasons:

1. It may seem strange, but it’s possible to miss the importance of performance.

Performance measures may not be clear in your organization, or maybe you’re the one who’s not entirely clear on those measures.

2. You can become focused on the wrong thing – the next job, office politics, or the fire drill of the moment, instead of your results.

If you’re not tracking your progress, it could be that no one else is, either.

3. You can neglect to track changes in your performance measures over time.

Your performance measures change as your jobs change throughout your career. Be sure you’re staying current.

4. One final, and potentially disastrous mistake is forgetting to identify, communicate, and improve your results.

You don’t have to overdo it, but you do have own your performance. No one else will do it for you.

You can avoid these pitfalls by getting clear on the performance measures that matter in your role – tracking the changes in those measures as their careers progress – and continuing to prioritize your results. Ask yourself: What are the performance measures on which you’re judged? Does your manager agree, and how do you know? Do you have concrete examples of results you’ve delivered and their importance to the organization? How will you measure your own results, and how will you communicate those results?

Remember, when it comes to your own performance, you are your own best advocate. You secure your performance by getting clear on the metrics that matter in your role – tracking the changes in those measures as your career progresses – and continuing to track your results.

 

The previous article appeared on Inc.com as a part of my column, “Behind The Desk.” Look out for new columns every week!

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Feedback Is Different For Men And Women Leaders, Here’s Why

Have you ever been blindsided by feedback, or thrown off course because no one gave you feedback you needed?

Feedback is the ongoing formal and informal input you get from the sources all around you. It includes the explicit messages you get from the people with whom you work, but feedback can also come from your own observations, the way others react to you, and your results. It’s helpful in many ways, but it can be troublesome when it’s absent, misleading, incomplete, or poorly received.

Many of the women leaders I’ve worked with over the years have complained to me that the feedback they receive from superiors or peers is frequently contradictory, vague, or secret, so they can’t respond to it, and as a result they can’t gauge how they’re doing or improve.

That happens far more than we’d like, which is why so many organizations are revisiting their performance review processes and trying to get it right. Meanwhile, feedback remains treacherous for women. The Center for Talent Innovation reports:

  • Women are 32 percent less likely to receive any feedback from male superiors.
  • When they do get feedback, 81 percent of women say they have trouble responding to it, because it’s so “distressingly contradictory.”
  • When women make up less than 25 percent of an applicant pool, they are more likely to be negatively evaluated.

 

In addition, we have observed at the Leadership Research Institute that, compared to men:

  • Women tend to be harder on themselves when receiving feedback from others.
  • Women are also hard on themselves when they self-assess, tending to underrate their own abilities.
  • Women can feel overwhelmed or crushed by feedback.
  • Women tend to get softer feedback from others – despite the fact that rigorous feedback is one of the ways leaders strengthen their capabilities

 

In other words, more so for women than for men, feedback – meant to be a helpful vehicle to move leaders forward through self-improvement – can hold them back. It’s up to you to seek out mentors or peers that can help give you the feedback your looking for, and don’t be afraid to be specific with that you’re asking for.

So whether your company has good feedback structures or not, you can take advantage of the wealth of information available through feedback – both positive and negative – that will boost your confidence and the constructive criticism that can save or propel your career. Ask yourself: What feedback do you need to let go? Where do you need to know more? How will you stay open to the feedback you receive?

 

For more ways to set and achieve your goals, see my services page.

The previous article appeared on Inc.com as a part of my column, “Behind The Desk.” Look out for new columns every week!

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3 Steps Toward Personal Mastery You Can Take Right Now

In my last column I discussed three challenges that every successful CEO and entrepreneur has faced when it comes to personal mastery: Procrastination, fear of visibility, running out of steam or giving up before you see the results you’re looking for, and how to overcome them. This idea came about from a recent conversation I had with my fellow leadership coach, Dawn Grossart, when we compared our experiences with leaders we’ve coached and came to the same conclusion: Most people are trying to achieve personal mastery, but most just lack the framework.

When it comes to creating a framework for how to achieve personal mastery, try this exercise that you can do right now.

The path forward can often be found by laying on a framework – a road map toward your goal. Maybe you know where you are, and you know where you want to go, but you don’t know how to get there. The way to fill in that crucial middle step is to create a frame work so you can be methodical about how to actually move forward.

Identify what you want. And this is the time which you call this revision but in your personal life it’s just being able to answer the question: “What do you want?”

Focus on that. Prioritizing what you want is a practice compared to just wanting it but being really busy and stressed in the rest of your life, and so you never get to it.

Take action. If you have those first two items, vision and focus, now you can put pen to paper and identify your action plan. That can take the form of the good old fashion to-do list, or a more sophisticated version of an action plan that helps to prioritize your action.

From there you suddenly shift into moving forward. Those three pieces I call a “cycle of action.” Once you have a solid framework together from the three steps above you can start layering in the pieces that are going to help you accelerate progress.

Identify your strengths, and think about how can you use your strength to achieve your goal. Revisit your values and think about how you can tackle the three steps above in a way that is right for you – this will make you feel like you’ve succeeded long before you’ve even achieved all of your goal. It will be a fulfilling and exciting process for you because it’s aligned to who you are and what you want.

When you know how to identify where you want to go, you can develop a plan to get there. That’s personal mastery, and it’s how you get to be a better leader while also leading a better life.

For everyone reading this, know that you are exactly where you need to be right now, today, and reading this is going to be offer you your next step. So, before you do anything further today, I would encourage you to pause, think about one strategy mentioned above that you feel you can tackle, and then make an action step for yourself. From there you will be on your way to achieving personal leadership and personal mastery.

 

For more ways to create a framework tailored to your personal needs, see my services page.

 

The previous article appeared on Inc.com as a part of my column, “Behind The Desk.” Look out for new columns every week!