Joelle K. Jay

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Feedback Is Different For Men And Women Leaders, Here’s Why

Have you ever been blindsided by feedback, or thrown off course because no one gave you feedback you needed?

Feedback is the ongoing formal and informal input you get from the sources all around you. It includes the explicit messages you get from the people with whom you work, but feedback can also come from your own observations, the way others react to you, and your results. It’s helpful in many ways, but it can be troublesome when it’s absent, misleading, incomplete, or poorly received.

Many of the women leaders I’ve worked with over the years have complained to me that the feedback they receive from superiors or peers is frequently contradictory, vague, or secret, so they can’t respond to it, and as a result they can’t gauge how they’re doing or improve.

That happens far more than we’d like, which is why so many organizations are revisiting their performance review processes and trying to get it right. Meanwhile, feedback remains treacherous for women. The Center for Talent Innovation reports:

  • Women are 32 percent less likely to receive any feedback from male superiors.
  • When they do get feedback, 81 percent of women say they have trouble responding to it, because it’s so “distressingly contradictory.”
  • When women make up less than 25 percent of an applicant pool, they are more likely to be negatively evaluated.

 

In addition, we have observed at the Leadership Research Institute that, compared to men:

  • Women tend to be harder on themselves when receiving feedback from others.
  • Women are also hard on themselves when they self-assess, tending to underrate their own abilities.
  • Women can feel overwhelmed or crushed by feedback.
  • Women tend to get softer feedback from others – despite the fact that rigorous feedback is one of the ways leaders strengthen their capabilities

 

In other words, more so for women than for men, feedback – meant to be a helpful vehicle to move leaders forward through self-improvement – can hold them back. It’s up to you to seek out mentors or peers that can help give you the feedback your looking for, and don’t be afraid to be specific with that you’re asking for.

So whether your company has good feedback structures or not, you can take advantage of the wealth of information available through feedback – both positive and negative – that will boost your confidence and the constructive criticism that can save or propel your career. Ask yourself: What feedback do you need to let go? Where do you need to know more? How will you stay open to the feedback you receive?

 

For more ways to set and achieve your goals, see my services page.

The previous article appeared on Inc.com as a part of my column, “Behind The Desk.” Look out for new columns every week!

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3 Steps Toward Personal Mastery You Can Take Right Now

In my last column I discussed three challenges that every successful CEO and entrepreneur has faced when it comes to personal mastery: Procrastination, fear of visibility, running out of steam or giving up before you see the results you’re looking for, and how to overcome them. This idea came about from a recent conversation I had with my fellow leadership coach, Dawn Grossart, when we compared our experiences with leaders we’ve coached and came to the same conclusion: Most people are trying to achieve personal mastery, but most just lack the framework.

When it comes to creating a framework for how to achieve personal mastery, try this exercise that you can do right now.

The path forward can often be found by laying on a framework – a road map toward your goal. Maybe you know where you are, and you know where you want to go, but you don’t know how to get there. The way to fill in that crucial middle step is to create a frame work so you can be methodical about how to actually move forward.

Identify what you want. And this is the time which you call this revision but in your personal life it’s just being able to answer the question: “What do you want?”

Focus on that. Prioritizing what you want is a practice compared to just wanting it but being really busy and stressed in the rest of your life, and so you never get to it.

Take action. If you have those first two items, vision and focus, now you can put pen to paper and identify your action plan. That can take the form of the good old fashion to-do list, or a more sophisticated version of an action plan that helps to prioritize your action.

From there you suddenly shift into moving forward. Those three pieces I call a “cycle of action.” Once you have a solid framework together from the three steps above you can start layering in the pieces that are going to help you accelerate progress.

Identify your strengths, and think about how can you use your strength to achieve your goal. Revisit your values and think about how you can tackle the three steps above in a way that is right for you – this will make you feel like you’ve succeeded long before you’ve even achieved all of your goal. It will be a fulfilling and exciting process for you because it’s aligned to who you are and what you want.

When you know how to identify where you want to go, you can develop a plan to get there. That’s personal mastery, and it’s how you get to be a better leader while also leading a better life.

For everyone reading this, know that you are exactly where you need to be right now, today, and reading this is going to be offer you your next step. So, before you do anything further today, I would encourage you to pause, think about one strategy mentioned above that you feel you can tackle, and then make an action step for yourself. From there you will be on your way to achieving personal leadership and personal mastery.

 

For more ways to create a framework tailored to your personal needs, see my services page.

 

The previous article appeared on Inc.com as a part of my column, “Behind The Desk.” Look out for new columns every week!

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The Four-step System For Conquering Your New Year’s Resolution

It’s the 3rd week of January.

How’s that New Year’s Resolution going?

New Year’s Resolutions have a poor reputation for being successful, but it’s rarely because of the goals set themselves. Your goals are important. You do want to achieve them. Sometimes people are quick to dismiss the value of New Year’s Resolutions and even stop setting them – after all, what’s the point, if you’re not going to follow through? But if you set a resolution – or a goal – that matters to you, maybe the solution lies not in giving up but shoring up your chance to be successful.

What you need is a proper framework.

A framework is a way of thinking and doing things that you can count on to help you succeed. Without a framework, you’re left to your own unreliable devices. Will power. Trying really hard. Both strategies that fail when your motivation wanes.

It’s better to tackle your goals with a framework you can follow that will lead you through the hard times and help you stay motivated for the long term.

So how to you go from “trying really hard” to actually achieving your 2017 goals? Try this framework: problem, project, plan, and process.

Problem. Define the problem. We make changes when something is wrong and we want it to better. So what’s wrong? What’s the problem you’re trying to solve?

Project. Once you’ve identified the problem, make solving it your new project. Aside from setting the goal (“Drop 10 pounds.” “Increase revenue 10%.” “Hire new team.”), take the time to sit down and map out how you will achieve it.

Plan. Once you know how you want to tackle this project, put pen to paper and make the plan. What will you do, and when? What’s your timeline? What are the milestones? What are the steps?

Process. A plan is only as good as the paper it’s written on until you implement it, so the last step is to put a process into place. Decide when you will revisit the plan, and how often. Set about a regular routine of identifying the next immediate step; taking that step; evaluating the outcome; and revisiting the plan for the new next step. If you do this, achieving your goals is no harder than a walk through the park. You just take one step after another, until before you know it, you’ve arrived where you wanted to be.

Imagine the difference this could make for you in achieving your goals. Where once you had a feeble resolution (“Get my finances together”) now you have clarity about the problem (“My finances are a mess, and if I’m not careful I’m going to miss the chance to build a strong retirement.”). You have taken it on as a project. (“In the next six months, I am going to focus squarely on getting organized with my finances.”) You developed a plan. (“I know what I am going to do in each month to move from a mess to a strong financial set-up for the long-term.”) And you have a process. (“Monday is now “Money Monday.” Every Monday I look at my financial plan and choose the steps to move forward.”)

When it comes to making your 2017 goals a reality, remember, don’t just get inspired. Get ready, get started, get it done, and get the results!

 

The previous article appeared on Inc.com as a part of my column, “Behind The Desk.” Look out for new columns every week!

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3 Challenges To Personal Mastery Every Successful CEO Must Conquer

Leadership is the ability to define an inspiring vision of the future and then compel people to achieve it. Personal leadership is the ability to do that for yourself – identifying “what do I need to do,” “why am I doing it,” “how do I do it,” “who can help” and “how do I leverage my strength.” If you do that in a way that is structured and disciplined, you can gain personal mastery.

Several months ago I spoke with fellow coach, Dawn Grossart, on the subject of personal mastery, and we came to the same conclusion: Personal mastery is that pot at the end of the rainbow that most people are trying to achieve, whether they’re first starting out in their careers or if they’re successful entrepreneurs or CEOs.

When done right, personal mastery becomes self-initiative growth and drive to success on your own. When you can do that, then you’ll have clarity and confidence, and you can achieve what you want to achieve and live the life you want to live.

The greatest challenges entrepreneurs face when it comes to self-mastery are the usual suspects: Procrastination, fear of visibility, running out of steam or giving up before you see the results you’re looking for. It gets hard. What I like to coach leaders to do is to identify those challenges, and then identify the polar opposite – the matching solution.

So, for example, if procrastination is the challenge, then personal mastery for you might be about developing discipline. Or, if you’re challenge is fear of visibility, then maybe the solution has to do with finding your way and your comfort zone. So, maybe you’re not ever going to be on The Today Show, maybe that’s not your kind of visibility, but maybe a local audience on your local station’s public morning show is where your true customer base lies.

Last, when it comes to giving up or running out of steam, sometimes leaders forget to identify the matrix and measure themselves against those matrixes so they can see the progress they’re making and let that become their motivation to keep going. They may actually be, in fact, moving forward, and they need to be able to see it on paper to get the feeling that they’re actually moving ahead getting where they want to go.

Here is something I’ve learned as a leadership coach: The coaches’ job is to help people find their own answers. But people can only find their own answers if the answers are already within them. Sometimes just a little bit of information from the outside can change everything, so in addition to finding your own framework, successful leaders must go out and search: What is the framework you need to accomplish your goals, what are you trying to achieve, and who can help you do that? Now, take your framework and tweak it until you find the one that’s right for you and get to the results you want: personal mastery.

 

The previous article appeared on Inc.com as a part of my column, “Behind The Desk.” Look out for new columns every week!

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How Women Leaders Can Define Their Own Metric For Success

You can make great strides in your career by understanding the advantages of exceptional performance, and how to make that performance count. Performance is the degree to which you do your job well. Your performance is measured by your results, using whatever outcomes matter most in your organization and your role in the organization.

Leaders strive to have meaningful results. They want to know their efforts will make a positive impact on their careers, whether that means building their reputation, getting new opportunities, or being rewarded for their good work. Unfortunately, there is no guarantee. Corporate life is more complex than that.

Many company leaders believe that their performance will count for everything; however, in complicated and changing organizations, it doesn’t. When it comes time for career advancement, you cannot always control what happens to you or believe that your performance will count for everything. But, you can take steps to ensure that good things do happen and allow your performance to be the foundation to that success.

Performance becomes a dilemma for women when it doesn’t seem to count the way it should–you do your best, get great feedback, and nothing happens. Research shows that women, much more than men, must have proven accomplishments before their talent is recognized.

The perfect performance environment would be a true meritocracy–a system in which people chosen to advance were selected on the basis of their ability. Performance is certainly not the metric from which people are evaluated, but it is the most important. Performance is a clear indicator of success and understanding when to deliver peak performance and showcasing it appropriately cornerstones a place for a successful career.

Leaders can lose sight of this when they forget to prioritize and advocate for their own good performance for several reasons. For instance, performance measures may not be clear in your organization, or maybe you’re the one who is not entirely clear on those measures. Clarifying those priorities can make identifying your performance more obvious and directed. You can also become focused on the wrong thing–the next job, office politics, or the fire drill of the moment, instead of your results. In addition, you can neglect to track changes in your performance measures overtime. Your performance measure changes as your jobs change throughout your career. Be sure you are staying current.

A final, and potential disastrous mistake is forgetting to identify, communicate, and improve your results. You don’t have to overdo it, but you do have to own your performance. No one else will do it for you.

You secure your performance by getting clear on the metrics that matter in your role–tracking the changes in those measures as your career progresses–and continuing to track your results.

By doing this, you can reap the benefits of a job well done. Typical benefits of good performance are pretty straightforward: salary, benefits and bonuses. Beyond that, additional and less concrete rewards become available such as confidence, marketability, promotability, career choice, and fulfillment.

If you show yourself to be a talented leader–and a future leader–of your company, you can start gathering the experiences now that you will need to succeed in the future. Then you won’t just be promotable, you will be prepared.

 

The previous article appeared on Inc.com as a part of my column, “Behind The Desk.” Look out for new columns every week!

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How To Take Command Of Your Executive Presence In 2017

Executive presence is a vital sign of your readiness to take on bigger leadership roles. Yet, many leaders don’t know what executive presence actually is, much less if they have it. That would be worrisome, except for the fact that you can change it. You can shape your presence to project an image consistent with who you want to be and the opportunities you want to have. Executive presence is the degree to which others perceive you to be a leader.

The trap many leaders fall into is being underestimated by others because of the way they present themselves. They may be perfectly capable, but if their presence doesn’t project the expected image of a leader, they may be seen as less powerful than they are. Women can easily become victim to this problem, being undervalued because of their perception from others. To eliminate this problem, they need to think deeply about acquiring executive presence, which can be complicated for women.

With historically few women holding high-level leadership positions, the image of what executive presence should be is often based on a man and, to further complicate things, “women are unfairly deemed to have the wrong leadership style needed to be successful.” Business women are trapped in a double bind of combining being an ideal manager, which means being masculine, with being an ideal woman, which means being feminine. To combat this contradiction, women must present themselves as leaders while maintaining their natural strength and style.

The second hurdle women face when tackling executive presence is the sensitivity of the topic. Women, in particular, have trouble getting feedback on their presence- especially when it comes to appearance. While appearance is only one small element of presence, it is an important one. Specific details of appearance, like unkempt attire and provocative clothing, can undercut presence up to 75 percent. Not to mention it is difficult to address.

Resolving this dilemma is more than a matter of managing perception and communicating to others that, “I have what it takes, and I’m ready to fill the role of a leader.” It is also about being confident in yourself. The more you can learn about the impressions you make on others, the more you can shape your image to fit their expectations, while also working on strengthen your own self-image.

Executive presence manifests in the silent judgements people make about you, rightly or wrongly. The more specifics you can get about how you are being measured, the better you can assess yourself. These attributes play important roles in determining executive presence: status and reputation, physical characteristics, demeanor, communication skills, interpersonal skills, interpersonal behavior patterns, values-in-action, intellect and expertise, work outcomes and power use. By understanding these different elements in yourself, you can shape your presence intentionally, to make a positive impact.

When you find your unique way of expressing executive presence, you will naturally develop a stronger sense of yourself as a leader, termed as “A Sense of Self” (another vitally important factor of executive presence). Understanding yourself as a leader will not only allow you to shape your executive presence, it will also make you feel powerful, and it will show.

 

The previous article appeared on Inc.com as a part of my column, “Behind The Desk.” Look out for new columns every week!

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Leadership Experts Weigh In: Why Women Leaders Need A Mentor And A Sponsor

Getting mentors and sponsors who can help you sustain the confidence and momentum its takes to succeed and who can pave the way for future success is more than beneficial, it is necessary. In order to build strong mentoring and sponsoring relationships, we need to distinguish clearly between the two.

A mentor is a guide who offers you advice, helps you solve problems, provides a sounding board, and shares his or her years of experience to help you learn and grow. A sponsor is a powerfully positioned champion who advocates for you, opens the door to new opportunities, introduces you to the right people, increases your visibility, and makes the case for your advancement.

To simplify, mentoring is taking an interest in you and sponsorship is taking action for you.

In her research, Sylvia Ann Hewlett reveals that leaders are advised to have a mentor, but they need a sponsor. Sponsorship turns out to be crucial to all leaders. The trouble is, it is less accessible to women. Only 13 percent of full-time, female employees at large companies have sponsors compared to 46 percent of men.

A number of obstacles can percent women from getting sponsorship. Some of these include: hesitancy to ask for help or showcase their talents, real or imagined boundaries across power relationships, the tendency to under-reach for promotions, and sometimes even fears about what others might think.

As a result, even women who do have a healthy network can end up over-mentored and under-sponsored. Do not let these obstacles stop you. Once you know you need a mentor and a sponsor, you can form those relationships and take advantage of all they have to offer. As an integral part of your network, your mentorships and sponsorships are deeper, more focused relationships that deserve special attention.

Mentorship gives you a distinct advantage. It shortens the learning curve, provides support in a challenging time, and offers a way to learn the nuances that lead to mastery in a skill- not to mention it can be the foundation for a lifelong relationship, often treasured on both sides. Women who take advantage of mentoring opportunities maintain their ambition and self-confidence in their careers.

In addition, people who are mentored “garner more promotions, higher salaries, and more career satisfaction and even report being less stressed than those who lack such guidance.” Mentorships are invaluable because you can learn and grow with little risk. However, if you want to advance, you need a sponsor.

The sponsorship advantage gives women the chance to stretch beyond their own boundaries into opportunities they may not have had otherwise. When women have a strong sponsor, the likelihood that they will seek other ways of advancing their career, such as a stretch assignment or a raise, goes up 8 percent– a small but significant impact. In addition, men and women with sponsors are most satisfied with their career advancement. In this regard, they obtain a “sponsor effect” from 19 to 23 percent.The benefits are even more impressive for mothers, at 27 percent, and minorities, up to 65 percent.

When leaders have strong mentors and sponsors in place, they feel supported and championed. Women in leadership must educate themselves about the benefits of mentors and sponsors, fill those roles, and cultivate and leverage the relationships. When you do, you will be surrounded by opportunities where you can add value and gain benefits in returns.

 

The previous article appeared on Inc.com as a part of my column, “Behind The Desk.” Look out for new columns every week!

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3 Ways See Yourself Bigger – And Help Others See It, Too

You’ve accomplished a lot in your career, you’re eager to move to the next level – but how do you get your colleagues and superiors to see you in your new role as a leader when they still see you in your old role?

For example, you want to be seen as strategic and visionary, but others see you as someone they can rely on to “get things done.” Or, you want to be involved early in important conversations, but others pull you in on an “as needed basis.”

So how do you get other people to shift their perspective of you, to see you as the leader you want to be?

Many leaders struggle to change others’ perceptions of them simply because they don’t realize they can influence the way they are seen. Here are three ways you can get others to see you as the leader you are:

See yourself bigger. Don’t let your own self-doubt hold you back. If your self-perception needs a boost, spend time with your strengths. Remember what it is you do especially well and what you want to do more of.

Step into bigger shoes. In several companies where I coach and speak, the way to get promoted is to act the part of a position for six months before you get the title. If you can prove yourself to be an effective leader at that next level by doing the things next-level-leaders do, then and only then will you be eligible for the actual post. Hold yourself to this standard and play the part of the role you want, whether that means contributing in new ways, speaking up with more courage and conviction, or sharing innovative ideas.

Tell others how you want them to view you. It sounds like this: “I’ve been a salesperson in this organization for a long time, but I’d like to take on more of a leadership role.” Follow it up with requests to get involved in higher-level activities, or share your ambitions so others can help pave the way.

By being proactive in these ways, not only will you be seen as “bigger,” you’ll actually become the next-level leader you want to be. Take a moment to imagine if your colleagues and superiors viewed you in your new role. You would be able to elevate yourself into the kind of position and reputation you want to have, as someone essential to the leadership team who can help drive the direction of the company or lead a project to a successful outcome. You would be having fun, contributing and engaging with others – instead of striving and driving so hard every day to just get yourself noticed.

 

The previous article appeared on Inc.com as a part of my column, “Behind The Desk.” Look out for new columns every week!

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Balance Isn’t a Myth: 3 Ways for Women Leaders to Get Their Work-Life Balance Back in Check

When it comes to succeeding at work and home, many women feel they must work twice as hard – because often they do. However, sustaining a healthy and happy way of life, while not losing your sanity, is possible. You don’t have to pull back on your professional goals or pare back on your personal ambitions. You can align your home life and your work life in a more effective way. You can make everything fit.

Balance means prioritizing the various elements of your life, with a sense of peace and confidence that you’re making the right decisions for yourself, your career, and the people who matter most in your life.

The problem for busy leaders is there’s simply too much to do. The pattern is familiar to most working adults in this fast-paced modern world: Put in a jam-packed day at work and race off to a chock-full evening with the family, friends, fitness, church, charities, personal goals, grown and learning, and hobbies. You can’t get everything done–but you can’t not get everything done, either. It is exhausting.

For the many women that wrestle with these dynamics, they often turn to two options: Scaling back responsibilities at work to support their lives at home, risking letting go of professional goals, or drive twice as hard to make it all happen, and, in the process, drive themselves into the ground. In which of these situations is the woman, or her friends and family affected by the decision, really winning?

Resolving this dilemma requires three important things: A belief it can be done, a fresh perspective, and a few good, practical ideas for how to get better balance in your life.

First, believe it can be done. The same characteristics that make you an exceptional leader can be an advantage in balancing your life. That might include the following: aligning your personal and professional vision, being decisive about your priorities, taking action planning seriously to create efficiencies, getting clear about your strengths and values, learning ever-better systems and building a personal support team around you, and committing to seeing new possibilities available to you when you keep an open mind.

Find a new perspective. Many of our clients who lead extremely busy lives have been able to settle into a more present and peaceful mindset by applying the skills and strategies that work so well in business to their personal life. You already contain these characteristics and view them as your strengths – simply redirect and apply these assets to reach other facets of your life.

Get practical to get better balance. Planning and prioritizing your time is another way to gain control and balance in your life. Think consciously about how to spend your time, decide which tasks matter most to you and your organization, and then drop or outsource the rest. By doing this, you can reduce your involvement in low-value tasks. You can actually cut your desk work by an average of six hours a week, shave meeting time by an average of two hours a week, and free up nearly a fifth of your time (an average of one full day a week). By doing this, you make more time for what matters in your life. Imagine you had one full day a week to fill as you seem fit, giving time and energy for all parts of your life so nothing is left behind. Perhaps balance does stand a chance, after all.

With the right mindset, the right strategy, and the right information, you can enjoy your personal life and pursue your professional dreams.

 

The previous article appeared on Inc.com as a part of my column, “Behind The Desk.” Look out for new columns every week!

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Never Leave Your Office Without Doing This 1 Thing

When I was growing up, my mom always told me to “always begin with a clean surface.” If we were cooking, we made sure the counters were clean first. If we were wrapping presents, we cleared off the table. Putting on makeup, we’d wash our skin. Always start with a clean surface.

Now, as an entrepreneur, I use that advice in my office. If you want to be your most efficient, you should, too.

When you’re beginning your work for the day, make sure your desk is organized and free of clutter. When you’re hosting a meeting, make sure the conference room is neat and clear. Your outer world is a reflection of your inner state, and if you’re going to become the entrepreneur you’ve always wanted to be, you’ll want to be sure they’re both as organized as possible.

You’ll think more clearly, focus longer, be less distracted and get more done.

This may seem obvious, but most people don’t do this consistently simply because – well, it’s easier not to. Shuffling papers can feel unproductive. Cleaning and organizing can be boring. Organizing things takes effort if it’s not part of your routine. Even if you feel comfortable in a chaotic environment, you’ll be more productive if your space lends itself to productivity.

Here are three ways to effectively get your space in order.

Clean your entire office in one fell swoop. Organize your office like you’re cleaning the garage. Make it a project. Tackle the whole thing. Throw out what you don’t need, and reorganize the things you do. Dedicate one drawer close to you to for daily files or current projects. Put the things you need on a weekly basis out of reach. Move anything you don’t reference regularly into long term storage. Anything that isn’t a priority right now doesn’t earn primary real estate on your desk. If you’re afraid that you’re going to forget things that you put away, create a list.

Do an abbreviated version. If making office organization a big project is too overwhelming (or too discouraging), take it little by little. You might set a goal of simply keeping your desktop clear for now. You can worry about the files and cabinets later. Having a visually clean surface goes a long way toward clearing your mind.

Retreat to a new space. If you don’t have time to organize your office, take the shortcut and move yourself instead of your stuff. Take your notes and head to a clean conference room to place a call. Or take your project and head to the library for the day. Try hiding out in a different room of your house if that space is cleaner and more open than your office. Even moving to the dining room or your kitchen table, if they’re free of clutter, can give you a renewed sense of focus.

Once you’ve got the hang of it, be sure to maintain the work you’ve done. Try saving 20 minutes at the end of the day to clear your workspace. That way, the next day, you’ll already be starting with a clean surface. Take a moment to notice the difference when you start off your day this way – clear, focused, and as productive as possible. You’ll soon discover that clearing your space is a way of clearing your mind – and that’s a strategy for much greater and bigger success in the rest of your business.

 

The previous article appeared on Inc.com as a part of my column, “Behind The Desk.” Look out for new columns every week!