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“Everything works out for the best.”

“If it’s meant to be, it will happen.”

Have you ever uttered these words? While many people believe at some level that “things happen for a reason,” they act as though they don’t trust the idea. If it really is true that that everything works out for the best, then every situation is perfect in some way.

Here’s an example.

Zach, an attorney, discovered this when he learned his business partner, Kareem, was leaving the practice. Zach and Kareem had built a business from scratch; he thought growing it big was what they both wanted. But people change. Kareem changed. He didn’t want a business anymore. He didn’t want the headache and the pressure. Now he just wanted to join a bigger firm, not build one.

Zach was determined to talk him out of it. He tried everything to help Kareem see the possibilities, and he tried to see every possibility for himself. But Kareem’s answer was no. He had decided. He was leaving.

After the emotions subsided (anger, resentment, denial, and determination), Zach took the practice over by himself.

“Well, at least one positive thing came out of this,” Zach thought as he signed the documents. “Now I get to be president.”

But Zach got to be a lot more than that. As he started to shoulder the practice on his own, he became more confident as a businessman. He took the practice in his own direction. He made bold decisions, branched out and hired more attorneys. The business grew, as did his reputation and profits. Best of all, he maintained a friendship with Kareem, who stayed in his corner – no longer employed by the business but still rooting for its success.

Zach didn’t know when Kareem said “no” to the business that the business was saying “yes” to Zach.  A situation that at first seems to be a disaster can actually turn out to be perfect. 

Looking for the perfect is especially helpful when you get an untimely surprise.

• Benjamin got the promotion he wanted a year before he felt ready.
• Enrique was awarded a giant contract the same year he was planning to retire.
• Martina, the next-in-line for a public office, had to step into the job when an elected official had to step down for personal reasons.
• Neal found out that after years of family planning, he and his wife were about to have not one, not two, but three babies.

In each of these situations, leaders were able to reframe a situation that initially felt wrong by believing it must have to be right. They looked for the perfect.

Believing life might be perfect as it is doesn’t mean you play a passive role in your life. You are still leading your life; you are still becoming the leader you want to be and creating your vision. But you’re doing so with an open mind, realizing that for reasons we don’t understand, some things might be “right” for us that we wouldn’t have chosen for ourselves. Other things might be “wrong” for us even if we thought they were right.

Sometimes we find the opportunities we’re looking for, but other times those opportunities find us.

Exercise

• Recall a time in your life when you got a “no” or “yes” that you weren’t expecting – maybe unanticipated (good or bad) news or a surprising change in direction.
• How did the situation work out?
• In hindsight, what was perfect?

The ideas in this article are drawn from The Inner Edge: The 10 Practices of Personal Leadership and the accompanying eBook called The Extension. The eBook is designed to give you simple, engaging personal leadership exercises and activities to help you be a better leader, and lead a better life. Get your copy today! Click here for a Preview and to Order.

Leah Zellner, the president of a national resort group, dashed into her office, throwing off her coat.

“I’m sorry I’m late!” she gasped. “It’s been a crazy day!”

For the next five minutes, she raced through a litany of concerns: leading her company as its first female president, finalizing a merger, launching a new global strategy, moving into a new office, speaking at a client conference, throwing her daughter a wedding, and expecting her first grandson.

“You certainly are busy!” I commented.

“You have no idea,” she wheezed. “Meetings, calls, invitations, a trip toNew York…”

I watched Leah rush about her office. Here was a woman who seemed to have everything she wanted: a glamorous, high-paying job, exciting travel, and a happy growing family. But today everything that made up her charmed life seemed to be getting in the way.

I wondered, “Is this what our busy lives have come to? That our momentous life events have become items to check off a list?”

Leah flopped into the chair beside me. “You know, it used to be that it was Ready, Aim, Fire. Then it became Ready, Fire, Aim. Now it’s justFIRE!FIRE!FIRE!”

Leah’s life as a leader mirrors many I’ve seen in my years as an executive coach. Every day, I see talented, accomplished leaders struggling because they’re too stressed, too stretched, or too tired of sacrificing. As a result, many businesses are losing their leaders, and many leaders are losing themselves. It’s become a stubborn predicament: how to achieve success without sacrificing your quality of life.

There’s another way to be successful as a leader in today’s world that is more thoughtful. More strategic. More reflective. You can learn to lead in a way that preserves your talent while enhancing your quality of life. You can succeed without the sacrifice. Leading well and living well, both at the same time. In the pages of this book, you will discover a new way to be a better leader…and lead a better life.

Leah is one of many leaders I profile in the book, The Inner Edge: The 10 Practices of Personal Leadership. This book isn’t about leading your organization or leading your team. It’s about leading yourself.

To learn more, go to www.TheInnerEdge.com. You’ll find an overview of the book, endorsements by such thought leaders as Marshall Goldsmith and Stephen Covey, and more!

In a few hundred years, when the history of our time is written…the most important event historians will see is not technology, nor the Internet, not e-commerce. It is an unprecedented change in the human condition. For the first time – literally – substantial and rapidly growing numbers of people have choices. For the first time, they will have to manage themselves. And society is totally unprepared for it.

Peter Drucker

Do you think that’s true?

Is it true for you?

I spend a lot of time interviewing business leaders, and I’m often surprised at how disheartened they seem. Sometimes I wonder if this might be why: we have more to think about than ever, and somehow we have to be the ones to make it all work. When they feel disempowered, here’s what leaders tell me.

We are overwhelmed. Just juggling your workload fills every day; add in children, home ownership, personal finances, and the rest of your life, you can feel like you’re ready to collapse.

We are discouraged. Being a leader isn’t always all it’s made out to be. The pressure, the responsibility, and the poor models of leadership in corporate executives and public figures can sometimes make us wonder if it’s really worth it.

We are disengaged. Engagement is the degree to which you feel committed to your job, and it is a critical aspect of performance. Unfortunately, instead of gaining a sense of meaning from our work sometimes we just feel unmoved.

We are needed. As leaders we don’t always get what we need, but our businesses desperately need us. Nevertheless, we live in the Information Age, and business is driven by our knowledge. As leaders, we are needed to compete.

We are talented. The good news is that despite these challenges, it turns out we’re really talented. Years of Gallup research has proven that we are at our best when we are most ourselves. and it’s clear there’s a lot more potential to be tapped.

We are leaving. Crowded by the pressures of modern leadership, we can’t seem to make it all work. That’s why so many leaders are responding in a quiet, decisive way: they’re taking their marbles and going home. With low set-up costs and instant access to global markets, we no longer need corporate infrastructure to fulfill our ambitions. We can do it on our own. We live in a free agent nation:[i] going out on our own is flexible, it’s freeing, and it’s fun.

But having the opportunity to leave one’s job isn’t always the “win” it might seem. Businesses lose highly talented leaders, and leaders lose their home in the world of work.

What we need is a way for leaders to learn how to be better leaders while at the same time enhancing the quality of life that keeps them at their best. And we do. It’s called Personal Leadership – an aspect of leadership that honors the work leaders do as well as the people they are.

Are you practicing Personal Leadership? Take the quiz to find out! Go to www.TheInnerEdge.com and click on Worksheets and Audios. You’ll find a FREE Self-Assessment to help you understand where you already excel and where you need to put more attention to be effective in leading yourself.

One of the most powerful strategies known for achieving your goals is visualization. You’ve heard the stories – the ones about the world class athletes who envision the perfect performance in their heads over and over before they compete, or the seminar participants who learned to break boards with their bare hands simply by seeing themselves do it in their heads.

So you already know visualizing is important. But do you actually visualize what you want? Does anyone actually sit themselves in the lotus position on their area rug and meditate on what they’re trying to create?

Yes, actually. They do. Some of the best leaders I know – the most accomplished, the most celebrated, and in some cases the most famous – got there because they knew they could make it. They saw it. In their minds.

Listen to Bonnie Hagemann, the CEO of Executive Development Associates, who describes her way of practicing visualization.

I [practice visualization] especially when I know I have something important coming up – a presentation, a speech, a meeting, anything that gets my stomach in a knot. I will take time on my schedule or get up extra early to really visualize the whole meeting. I always envision it going well even if there are rockets coming in. I see it going well and people engaging with me and shaking my hand and everyone’s happy at the end.

I do this. Every day. First I start dreaming. The dream is like when you’re sitting around like a little kid dreaming about what your life is going to be like. Then I get a visual of it. I start envisioning myself in that role. I get pictures that will illustrate me as a speaker, an author, a businesswoman, or whatever. I write down what that looks like. Then I start doing the actions that need to be done to start moving towards it.

Maybe you aren’t “living the dream” right now, but when you envision the future you want, your dream will feel so close you can taste it.

Did you enjoy this profile? You may be interested in the eCourse, Getting an Edge: 21 Ways World Class Leaders Share Their Secrets for Leading and Living Well. Each of 21 profiles just like this one comes in a separate email – once a day for 21 days. Click here for more information.

What is your secret wish?

This is one of my favorite questions to ask clients. It’s not the kind of question you normally expect from a leadership coach, and it takes people by surprise. Almost always, the response I get is a thoughtful silence, accompanied by a tiny smile, and then an almost conspiratorial whisper as they lean forward and confide in me something they have barely dared to admit to themselves.

“I want to be the company president.”

“I want to retire by 45!”

“I want to be a stay-at-home mom.”

“I want to be the CEO.”

“I want to take a long hot bath every single day.”

Some of these wishes are easier to grant than others. Simply stating that wish about the bath got one client to launch a remodel of her bathroom that very same day and get the sunken bathtub of her dreams. The others took several years to come true, and some never do. But more often than not, just saying the words aloud makes them come alive.

It happens like this. Somewhere in the dark recesses of your mind, your secret wish hides, afraid to come out and face potential ridicule or failure. When you bring it out in the open, you see that it’s actually not so crazy after all. Other people have had this wish; why not you?

You decide to share it with someone else – someone close to you just to see what they say. Surprisingly, they think the wish is a good idea. More than that, they assumed this was where you were headed all along, and they’re so glad you’ve now realized it too.

Suddenly you decide to start taking your wish seriously. Privately, maybe, but seriously. You build some goals around it. You take some action. Your secret wish becomes a point in the future towards which you orient your present, and you start moving closer every day. Step by step, you move closer to your wish, and as you do it becomes bigger and bigger until it is no longer a wish but a plan, and then a decision, and then…your life.

In the legendary words of that famous coach Jiminy Cricket, “Anything your heart desires will come to you, when you wish upon a star…as dreamers do.” Today, take a break from innovation, strategy and implementation, find a star and make your secret wish. 

Exercise

Turn the page and put the blank Your Wish worksheet in front of you. Anything is possible. Think about it. Write about it. Dream. What’s your secret wish?

The ideas in this article are drawn from The Inner Edge: The 10 Practices of Personal Leadership and the accompanying eBook called The Extension. The eBook is designed to give you simple, engaging personal leadership exercises and activities to help you be a better leader, and lead a better life. Get your copy today! Click here for a Preview and to Order.

 Wherever you go, go with all your heart.

-Confucius

Today, in taking Confucius’ advice, I’d like to share what I see in you from the heart.

I want to acknowledge you for taking the responsibility and the opportunity to be your best as a leader. You are an inspiration. Along with the hundreds of leaders I’ve met whose sincere efforts to succeed in the way that only they can, you are a true leader. You are the one who makes a difference. You are the one who changes the world. Your vision, your potential, your efforts – they leave a mark.

My wish for you is that what you achieve will far exceed any vision you’ve dared to dream. I hope that you will be not just clear but also honest and courageous about what you really want for yourself, for the people around you, for your life, for your leadership, and for the world at large.

There are times you’ll lose heart. You’ll get busy, you’ll get tired, you’ll forget, you’ll have setbacks, you’ll drift away. But you won’t get lost. You have everything you need to succeed, right there within you.

Along the way, I’d like to invite you to learn more about yourself and what’s possible for you by exploring what I call Your Inner Edge. It’s the heart of your leadership.

To learn more, come discover The Inner Edge: The 10 Practices of Personal Leadership. You will find it at www.TheInnerEdge.com. There I’ve included for you an overview of the book, endorsements by such thought leaders as Marshall Goldsmith and Stephen Covey, and more.

As you go forward into the future that awaits you, know that every step you take to improve your leadership is going to enrich your life and the lives of others. You will be the kind of leader who changes the world. The kind of leader others will follow. The kind of leader you were meant to be.

 

As an executive coach, I know the heart of a leader, and here’s what I know about you:

You are amazing. You are dedicated, smart and capable. You are accomplished and have had many successes. You are already a masterpiece.

But you know something deep in your heart: more is possible for you. No matter who you are – a person who is just starting to see yourself as a leader or a well-established leader with an illustrious career; a leader struggling to find your place or one who knows exactly what you want; a leader who’s been too strung out or one who has been newly fired up – you have the potential to be even more. You have greatness in you.

As a leader, you have many great gifts. Your talents. Your opportunities. Your drive. By seeing yourself as a leader, you have not just received those gifts, you have torn them open and discovered how they work. Now the question is, what are you going to do with those gifts? How are you going to share them with the people around you and the rest of the world?

What kind of a gift do you want to be?

I want you to give some thought to this questions, because it’s the question you’ll need to answer to really lead on the edge of what’s possible for you.

For a little encouragement along the way in the form of an audio you can listen to and keep, please go to my website at www.TheInnerEdge.com (click on Worksheets and Audios)  and get the FREE audio called A Parting Gift. It’s called a Parting Gift because it’s the last of a series of free resources on my website, but don’t worry – I’m not going anywhere. Whenever you need a little boost, you can listen to this audio again and again to reconnect to your value as a leader.

Because by now you’re starting to realize, the true gift you have to give…is you.

You may know from reading The Inner Edge that it is possible to have, do, and be more than you thought was possible, all at once. How do you maintain that kind of life forever? How do you keep that kind of balance as a leader? This section helps you think about your “all” again, only this time with an eye toward understanding when your “all” is enough.

When is Enough Enough?

A common characteristic of successful leaders is drive. But even though drive can keep you moving forward, it can also backfire – particularly when you’re not clear on where you’re going or when you don’t know when to stop. Without a clear sense of destination, you may keep driving forever. Many people do. They stay in constant motion but never seem to find a sense of arrival.

Of course if you’re a leader dedicated to success and achievement, you will always be inspired by what else is ahead. That’s fine. Like the horizon, your ideal is constantly changing. It is always moving. It is always out of reach. By definition, you cannot be at the horizon. you can only see it and head for it. That’s what makes it so inspiring.

It’s also what makes it so hard to stop striving. In the wise words of famed psychiatrist Mihalyi Csikszentmihalyi, “There is no limit to desire.” And sometimes, you need to stop. You’ve earned a rest. You get to celebrate. You’re allowed to let life be complete for awhile, so that you can enjoy it and be at peace.

In my work with executive leaders, I often see leaders who have forgotten to decide how much is enough. Without thinking, they blindly race after the next promotion, the next client, the next acquisition. And while those decisions certainly advance their careers or their business, they can also derail whatever plans the leader had for taking a more conscientious approach to their life and leadership.

The same is true in personal life. People strive for the bigger house, the better car, the better image until they’re so far overextended they can’t enjoy what they have. They forgot to stop and ask themselves, How much will be enough? Suddenly they have too much, and instead of adding to their lives it’s taking the joy away.

I’m not advocating slowing down on your goals. I’m certainly not saying you should hold yourself back. What I’m saying is that you need a sense of perspective. Remember your vision. You don’t want to fly so fast toward some future achievement that you blow right past the present you wanted to create.

The trick is to know when enough is enough. In money, in your career, in your family life, with your time, you need to determine what you want and then recognize when you have it. Mark the milestones. Feel the sense of satisfaction and completion. Then decide if and when you want to go on.

Exercise

Complete the questions on the worksheet, “Your “Enough” in The Extension.  Then ask yourself, How close am I to having enough? You may find you’re already there.

The ideas in this article are drawn from The Inner Edge: The 10 Practices of Personal Leadership and the accompanying eBook called The Extension. The eBook is designed to give you simple, engaging personal leadership exercises and activities to help you be a better leader, and lead a better life. Get your copy today! Click here for a Preview and to Order.

Are you a fractal?

A fractal is a design in which every tiny piece has the design of the whole – the same swirls or angles or zigzags repeated again and again at every level. Zoom in on a tiny chunk of the design, and you see the exact same pattern as if you zoom out. Everything is everything.

When you are living in integrity, you approach your life as a fractal. The “you” in your personal life is the “you” in your professional life. The ideas that apply over here also work over there. You are who you are wherever you are; you are true to yourself.

In our culture, we don’t do that very well. We separate our work and our life into boxes. We compartmentalize. And while compartmentalizing may work pretty well in a storage room where you can have matching plastic bins with labels and lids, it’s no way to live a life.

You are not a storage shed, some kind of staging area where your work goals can go on one shelf and your personal goals can go on another. Your head does not go in this bin and your heart in that bin over there. You are whole. How you feel affects how you act; how you act affects how you work; how you work affects your results; your results affect the way you live. It’s all connected. You are connected; you are one.

The good news about that is that, when you live a life of integrity, you really can have it all. You can be a groundbreaking businessperson, an encouraging leader, and a balanced person, partner, family member, friend or community member all at the same time. You can get your work done, be there for everyone else, and still make time for yourself. You can accomplish your short term tasks and move toward your long term vision at the same time. You can make a good living while you also do something meaningful with your life. You can simultaneously serve the business, the organization, the client, your colleagues, your boss, your team, your family, your own needs, and your corner of the world.

Maybe not everyday. Maybe on a moment to moment basis, you will have to sometimes compartmentalize some emotion to get a job done, or maybe you will have to shut off your work mind to enjoy your personal life. But on the whole, across your life, more is possible. You can be a successful, achieving, contributing, peaceful, joyful person all at once.

I call it “All…All at Once,” and it’s one of the concepts I share with leaders in the book, The Inner Edge: The 10 Practices of Personal Leadership. To learn more, go to www.TheInnerEdge.com. You’ll find an overview of the book, endorsements by such thought leaders asMarshall Goldsmith and Stephen Covey, and more.

Is it possible to have it all?

A lot of people ask this question. Some people say yes, some people say no. To me, it’s the wrong question altogether. To me, the answer to the question, “Is it possible to have it all?” is not yes or no. It’s another question: “Do you know what your ‘all’ is?”

When people talk about “having it all,” they seem to mean “getting stuff” – a fine job, a great office, stock options, an enviable marriage, cute kids, and so on. That may or may not be possible. It may not even be what you want. What is possible is to have the kind of life you want to live. One in which nothing is missing, where you get what you need – emotionally, spiritually, financially, materially – by being clear on who you are and what you want, by being creative and strategic in having it happen, and by leading yourself wisely to the outcomes.

What does “having it all” mean to you? Does “having it all” mean some societal definition of flashy cars, tropical vacations and a knock-out spouse? Or does it mean a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction with a meaningful job and some time left over for you? Does it mean a warm and pleasant home filled with joy? A billion dollars? Your health? Making a difference in the world? Any of these definitions can work – as long it comes from you.

If you can clearly define your “all” in a way that is grounded, realistic, and optimistic, most likely you can have it. If you define your “all” as some unattainable ideal that amounts to the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, then you might not.

What does “having it all” mean to you? What would you have to

• Have:                                                                                                                          
• Do:                                                                                                                             
• Be:                                                                                                                              

in order to feel you “had it all?”

When you know what your all is, then you can ask the questions. Is that possible? If this is what I want, can I have it all? Can I have it all…all at once? You choose. Do you want to? What would it look like if you did?

If it would be helpful to you to spend more time on this, I suggest getting your FREE copy of the Worksheet I’ve posted on my website for you. It’s called Your All. To find it, go to www.TheInnerEdge.com and click on Worksheets and Audios (on the left). You’ll find Your All toward the bottom of the page.